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[12 Jan 2006|10:59am] |
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This will REALLY be my last entry so ill just say everything that i havent told because theres a lot.
Over the summer, i hung out with Devon a lot and I made good friends with John aiktens and Sean kohlar and that made my summer fun they were really good friends to have, and we had a lot of fun together, like in Irish Hills :-) lol, and my laugh, matt hitting his head :-D haha. But time progressed and we stopped being friends like we used to because Sean and me broke up we were good friends after that but people change, even when you least expect it. Me and Sean stopped being friends completly i havent talked to him face to face since, September. I miss him but i guess thats how high school is.. Along with high school you see old friends that you really missed Kris Long was in a lot of my classes and at first i was like uhh. fuck i dont like this kid but we started talking and we became really good friends again, he was in Miss Barretts 4th hour with me and it was fun because we would sit next to eachother and write notes to eachother and pass them back and forth, lol. thats sad. When we would sit next to eachother i would get kind of sad when we would talk because he would let me read notes from Stephanie and Holly and it got me upset i mean this kid meant so much to me and i lost him and when we broke up and stopped talking to eachother it made it easier not to like him, but when we started talking again i just fell for him even more. HOMECOMING HIT, you know pretty dress, and hair done and blah blah blah, homecoming was horrible drama drama drama, coming home better not be like that or ill be pissed. After homecoming nothing really happened that month.. Novemeber- hmm. the one thing i really remember is jakes party when jess and me broke up and me and kris kissed and kris told me he liked me and that he had changed since last year, i remember leaving the party and having a huge smile on my face but than i had a feeling that that kiss was just because i was there, and he was telling me what i want to hear.. Sadly that monday he came to school and acted as if nothing happened and it broke my heart, two weeks past and he asked me out and yep :-) here we are now, November 28, 05 ♥ i love that kid. Christmas break.. nothing happeded school started we have finals soon, and new classes and a new lunch! thank fucking god.
Since i had you..
* Me and brandon were together 5-1-04
* Me and brandon broke up.. on and off again
* I ended 7th grade year
* Started eigth grade and me and brandon were done for good
* Me and kris started going out
* Me and Jake. lol
* Kris again..
* DEVONS PARTY! ♥
* Our brake ups :-(
* Our Final one that year..
* Spring break situations..
* Me and Jessica
* Brake ups..
* Me and Sean
* Summer
* High School started
* Falling for kris again
* Jakes party
* kris and me again lol.
* And my last entry, 1-12-06
goodbye journal. ill miss you :-(
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[11 Jan 2006|11:03pm] |
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I havent updated in awhile, and this might just be my last entry because i feel no need to have a livejournal, i rarely ever use it. On the other hand, Christmas break was good, i hung out with Devon, and Vickie, and Kris. On New Years, oh that was exciting, Brandon Gelderbloom called me and vickie and asked if we wanted to go over Bobby and Joeys and we said yeah and went over there, and Kris was there too, when midnight hit i didnt even know it did until brandon and vickie ran upstairs its the new year!!! blah blah blah, at the time i didnt care.. lol. We went outside and Bobby and Brandon were like 3 feet away from me and vickie and i picked up a ice-snow ball and i was like vickie.. i bet i can hit brandon in the back, so i threw it and brandon moved out of the way and bobby moved where brandon was and since i have horrible aim the ice ball hit bobbys eye and he couldnt see and it was red and swollen :-x lol i felt really bad, but it was fucking hilarious. That monday we went to Kris's with Brandon and Vickie, watched them play cards, which by the way is not exciting what-so-ever. I dont remember what else i did that week, i hung out with Vickie a lot and were hanging out A LOT more now, i missed her. Nothing else really happened but Kris dont like nirvana and i was like ohmygod and i had to get up, and redem myself, lol. and i talked to jeff till 4:30 in the morning on saturday night.. and we went back to school, and i hate it.. we have finals and i cant wait till the 27th :-D
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[30 Dec 2005|04:46pm] |
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christmas break is boring devon was in ohio but came home today kris came home today :-) HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE YOU ♥
hmm. me and vickie are suppose to be hanging out with him :-) i havent seen him in a week he was in pennsylvania :-( WHO GOES TO PENNSLYVANIA?!
uhh i got a lot of clothes for christmas its awesome and i got shoes and such and such.
ive been spending a lot of time with my sister i missed her and she keeps calling off work! lol. but its good because i get to spend more time with her which is awesome :-D
tomorrow is new years eve. im going over my dads because my sister is having a party oh god i went over there on wedsday when she had a party that was exciting.. lol bryan still owes me a whole pizza! but devons suppose to be coming with me and vickie is too. :-) well im going to go get ready.
oh yeah by the way wedsday was me and kris's one month ♥ no fights no arguments :-) we did it my first relashinsip with NO FIGHTS, NO ARUGUMENTS, for ONE months straight, okay IT MEANS A LOT TO ME :-) ♥
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| mother fucking happy as hell |
[20 Dec 2005|09:58pm] |
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i am the most happiest person in the world right now.
i fucking ♥ kris long
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[14 Dec 2005|09:59am] |
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for the past month my choir teacher has asked me to do solos and since we had a snow day firday i didnt try out and yesterday he said i could try out today.. and when class started he told girls they had the part, me and jamie looked at eachother and were like well.. this is sweett... but i dont care anymore because obviously i wasnt good enough even though Melissa French got a part and she sings like a broken humming bird (seriously.
yesterday my dad was suppose to take me to go get a coat and pants but he just dropped money off so me and my sister could go shopping i was kind of upset because i never see my dad because he's always up north.. but i got a red coat its cute and a sweater its green its really cute and i got shoes =) <333 i love them.
and i got home and jeff imed me and said come over to kris's NOW and i said i couldnt so vickie said she would come pick me up so we went over there and watched devils rejects, lol vickie didnt like that movie very much :-/ (clowns. hehe)
but i LOVED hanging out with vickie and jeff and kris just like last year =) ahh the good old days.
but im happy because today we have a shortend day so im probley going over to kris's =)
im in keyboarding i have to go.
bye
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| im gonna keep on loving you.. |
[06 Dec 2005|10:34am] |
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yesterday i got home and went on the computer, and my sister came home with lindsey and they dyed her hair. and i wanted to hang out with kris because i cant today because i have practice for church so my sister told me kris could come over and i called him and told him he could and he couldnt, so my sister said well why arent you going over there? and i said because i have no way home and she (being the best sister on earth) said she would drive me and pick me up =) so i went over to kris's and he asked me what movie i wanted to watch and i pointed to josie and the pussycats, and everytime i go over there and he never lets me watch that, but he did last night! i love that movie.. and hes like why is there so many advertisments in the movie and i looked at him and i was like uhh thats the point of the movie kris, and hes like oh i knew that.. (i dont think he did..) lol but anyways, i had fun and im happy that kris and I are back together. i want to work on my myspace but i dont know how to get on it because its blocked and everyone else is on it but i dont know how to! jeez. i didnt bring my gym clothes today... =/ uhh ohh..
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| and you can tell everyone this is our song.. |
[05 Dec 2005|11:10am] |
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well on friday, nothing happened i was bored i stayed home.
and on saturday i was suppose to go to saturday school but i uhhh didnt wake up on time..
so at eleven thirty vickie and i went over to Kris's =)
Then i went back home and at eight me and devon went back over to kris's again =D
We watched Moulin Rouge (i freaking love that movie)
when you lose something great at the moment it hurts..
but when it comes back you hold it close and hope it wont leave again. <3
im walking home with Kris today, im walking over his house after school
so thats something to look forward too, uhhh lunch in like 10 minutes..
and than gym.. and Reeses isnt here today =( poo.
i made my grade higher in math today it was a E and now its a C+
thank god.. i was starting to get scared because Bobbys the lowest grade in that class
and than i was the next lowest grade =x
I have saturday school this saturday and next saturday..
thats about it.
=)
ill update more later
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[30 Nov 2005|10:33am] |
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I'm in 4th hour, keyboarding =( its gay.. We have a shortened day today, we get out at 12:35.
Devon isnt in school today, my sister is picking me up, i might hang out with Jamie hopefully i do because i love her =) Me and kris are going out and yesterday i was in the best mood i was really happy, and today i was happy and now im like not as much because he hasnt talked to me much.. which kind of sucks. I wanted to hang out with him today but we havent really talked.. uhh i have saturday school thsi saturday and next saturday which sucks but im not in trouble so thats good. I want thing to go back to normal.. well at least back to last year like in the middle.. because i loved it! Walking home EVERYDAY in the freezing cold, even when it was snowing.. and rolling down the hill and staying up there and going to the football field and kris saying he is going to jump, and id get scared and jeff said he'd catch him. (lmao) i miss last year a lot. I hope me and kris can like.. be what we were last year, but like better because me and kris never fought and when we did it was never for a long time... and we'd always hang out, but were not in middle school no more were in high school and i cant walk home.. i live fucking 10 miles from the high school the middle school is like a block away from my house, and also last year id always have devon there, or vickie hang out with us but uhh.. devons always with john and vickie dont even like in garden city and i barely talk to her.. i hope me and kris work out because i really like him..
before kris asked me out jake imed me and started talking to me about a bird.. and i was like uhh okay i was confused and hes like the birs sitting next to me and im like who the bird or kris..
okay guess you had to be there.
well thats about it.
till next update.
kthnxbye =)
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| this is gayy |
[23 Nov 2005|11:07am] |
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me and reanna skipped our 4th hour yesterday, and we are the worst rebels ever, we were so scared lol. I hate school urghh. im in keyboarding its retarted and i hate it. umm, kris and holly are going out :-/ i dont know how to react so im just going to leave it at that... uhh. i attempted to dye my hair and now my roots are bleach blonde its pretty gayy. Thanksgiving is tomorrow im excited (food) =) a lot of food! Tonight im going to see the movie "rent" with my cousins.. im excited i know im going to love it. so yeah thats about it.
kthnxbye
Sara=)
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| why did i laugh so hard baby? I never meant to hurt you.. |
[16 Nov 2005|05:55pm] |
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For the last 3 days me and devon havent exactly been on good terms.
We dont talk much like we used to.. and it made us grow apart and for
me and devon to grow apart its a big thing. Bestfriends for almost five
years now. And i wasnt ready to through it all away. And i wouldnt let myself
do that anyways. Yesterday Jessica gave me a note saying i have problems and
no one wants to deal with me anymore. And i was like okay, and i got mad
i know i have problems, ive known that since i started preschool! But hearing
your bestfriends say it, its like taking a bullet to the chest. I got so fed up
that i wanted to just leave school, and also fucking assholes in our school who
think its sweet to put others down.. do you honestly feel that horrible about yourself?
So during passing time, i went into A lunch and called my mom to come pick me up she said
no, so i walked out of school and walked to my house in the cold, rainy, windy weather
i was soaking wet, it was worth it, it gave me time to think about alot.
i got home and my sisters like how did you get home? I was like i walked, i think
she was in shock for like .2 seconds but yeah i wasnt in trouble. Today i was getting
ready to walk home with Ashley and i was walking down middlebelt and devons mom Roxann
tells me to get in her car. Me and Devon are good now. I am happy, i cant live without her
she is really everything to me i love that girl with all my heart. And i got over to devons and its
johns birthday his 16th birthday and yeah he desides he doesnt like me anymore, so he didnt
want to hang out with devon because i was with her. I was like i will leave its johns birthday
i dont want to make him uncomfortable. So i left, before he got there. I dont like my classes very
much. =/ im going to fail keyboarding the teacher never told me how to do anything!! i was like umm what do i do? and she walks away, im like yeah thats uhh..sweet I miss my old classes, i had someone to talk to in every class, now i dont know anyone.
SP LETS DO OUR MATH FOR TODAY..
+ so i got my bestfriend back.
- lost a friend
+ my sister moved back home..
- failing classes..
+ i got a dora explorer backpack =)
- I havent been hungry lately, its weird.
__________________________________________
= dont let your past interfer with your future
everyone makes mistakes, it takes a good person
forgive and forget.
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| everythings changing.. |
[14 Nov 2005|11:05am] |
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I got new classes today :-/ i have the same 1 and 2 hour but my 3, 4, 5, 6 hour are all differnt right now im in keyboarding YEAH that put me in keyboarding! Its crazyy, lol but anyways yeah i went to jakes birthday and i am glad i went. :-) I miss my old friends, i never hang out with them anymore. I missed Kris the most though =( Yeah we kind of hooked up at the party but nothing changed were still just good friends but im fine with that, because i cant make him like me but i dont know i thought things would change but i guess i expected too much. Yeah Vickie and me are starting to talk a lot more now which is great i really missed her. Schools been better not much but better, hopefully my classes will be easy and ill actually pass 9th grade =/ This years been hard for me, im not sure what made it so differnt but everything changed. my friends, my attitude, my grades, my self esteem, everything, i miss 8th grade dood it was awesome like december 20 - march 15, was the best ever, i had my bestfriends, and i was happy and i remembering thinking i hope this never changes.. Well i thought wrong and everything changed and it sucks.. it really does..I'm singing at church on Decemeber 9th woohoo! Im so nervous its at Northridge and, GUY SERIOUSLY if you havent seen northridge, when you see it you will pee your pants its hughmongo!! its insane.. Yeah in my 3rd hour im the ONLY girl in the class, im in there will Coffey, jeff, dj, bobby, dennis, kyle, some chris kid, and todd. The teachers okay, shes loud and no one listens to her, i feel bad. lol I moved into my new room, its done its awesome its black and white and its funucking great =) next i have lunch, than after that i have.. GYM!!!! ohmygod your thinking what im thinking why the fuck would they put me in gym..? are the crazy, but yeah reanna is in there, so im okay i have her and i lover her to death!!!! Last night i went to church to see some bands and they were really good, marco was there it was sweet.. lol i miss my old classes kris was in alllll my classes now hes just in one. =( its horrible now i have to make new stupid friends.. im sure jeff will do for now. lol just kidding, i do miss him though we used to be really close now we never talk, barely i miss hanging out with him that kids hilarious, but anyways, so yeah thats about everything new basically. Hmm. i dont know what else is new and exciting.. nothing really im hungrey hopefully this hour ends soon =) seriously. okay thats about it.
kthanksbye =)
Sara <3
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| i would of never guessed it would end up this way.. |
[01 Nov 2005|12:52am] |
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i was looking through my photobucket.com thing and i havent been in there since like last halloween.
I found a picture of me and Brandon Gelderbloom, summer '04.
<center>
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v224/Sad_Stupid_Sara/Picture007.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br><br>
</center>
And of kris, ben, nate, and chris mills, and devon.
and the last one..
Brandon Gelderbloom..
Its so werid i was looking through all my notes, since like 7th grade and i am reading the sweetest things from a boy who in the end broke my heart and stomped on it until the blood disolved...
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| TELL ME THIS IS NOT REAL... |
[30 Oct 2005|12:30am] |
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For 4 months i have been apart of a website, for teens who self injure and suffer from depression.
Well also four months ago i met a boy named Jesydiha, and he met a lot to me he understood my like no body ever could.
Today I was wondering why i didnt receive messages from him, like i usually do everyday when i wake up.
When i came home this morning from the movies i went to my message board and saw this...
TO THE MEMBERS OF THE RAZOR BLADE BEAUTY'S
We have just been informed that one of our friends of the site for 2 years has past away.
He suffered from bi polar and ocd also known as obsessive complusive disorder.
We was found dead in his bathroom eariler this morning.
We still dont know the cause of his death, but am almost positive he commited suicide.
Jesydiaha (Jessie) was a good friend to all of us and we hope he is in a better place.
Far away from pain. For no longer does he have to suffer.
Jesydiaha McKain
July 7 1991 - October 29 2005
He will be remembered.
Words cant come to express how i feel like now, im speechless....
yeah he was my friend online but he was more than that he was my bestfriend he said things that i have never heard before he made me feel like i was importaint and that there was good in the world, and not very thing has to be negitive. He gave me hope that one day we could look at our body and not see scars and not have to remember the fact we once hated ourselves, he helped me believe in myself that to someone i was special, and that no matter what he would always be there for me.
I hope he is in a better place.
rest in peace Jessie.
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| And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.. |
[29 Oct 2005|11:01am] |
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I havent updated in a while once again..
Sorry.
Well, Me and Jessica are still together..
My sister is moving back home which makes me very very happy :-) it going to make me feel a lot better knowing i can talk to her without calling her and wondering if i bothered her..
I am talking to my mom about moving schools she is thinking about it and that gives me hope, thinking maybe that i can get out of garden city and actually be happy.
Since my sister is moving in she needs somewhere to sleep and yeah we ARE NOT sharing a room!
A) She has a lot of clothes
B) I Have clothes, and they are always laying around my room.
C) I JUST got used to having a room by myself!
D) WE WOULD KILL EACHOTHER AND YELL CONSTANTLY!
So, Im moving out of my room, Erins moving in my room (her old room) and Dannys moving out of his room and im moving into his, and Dannys moving in the basement. Erin might repaint the room and i am definitly painting dannys room when i move into it consitering it has michigan football wallpaper. lol, but me and my sister were talking about painting the room. I want to paint one wall black another white and black and white on the other walls, and on the black wall get a white marker and write song lyrics and on the white wall get black marker and write song lyrics ive always wanted to do that so im excited :-)
Hmm. Devon and John are back together and they're not fighting and im glad they're happy.
Yesterday, I went to Devons house with Jessica, and we cleaned her shed and drove the car back and forth to the garage and back, (devons garage is faarrr away from her house!) and were lazy and dont want to walk, Jessica hit devon in the mouth! and two weeks ago stabbed Devon in the neck with a needle. Ha Ha that was hilarious. but yeah we were in devons room and John and T.J came over. Devons mom was drinking so she didnt care weither or not the door was open or closed, and she never came up to check on us which was werid because Devons mom has a phobia of John touching Devon. lol, no seriously though but yeah. Devons was drinking and yeah Jessica drank and i cant stand the taste of alchohol i only drink when i want to and i was clearly not in the mood to drink and Jessica was drinking and she wanted to kiss me and im like eww no because i dont want to kiss you, you taste like ass. So she ate everything to get the taste out of her mouth!! But then they had to leave.. So we all piled into the back seat, Devon on Johns lap, Jessica on mine, and T.J yeah against the window, lol. I had fun.
My sister the other when we were out at dinner with my dad and brother, she asked me if i heard Lindsey Lohans new song, and i dont like Lindsey Lohan, okay well i didnt nor did i ever like music she song until i heard her new song, she wrote it. And it is a really really great song.
"Confessions Of A Broken Heart"
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed
So why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go!!
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
I love you,
I love you
I love you
I....!!!!!
I love you!!
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth...
Did you ever love me!!!?
Did you ever love me?
These are.....
The confessions...of a broken heart
Ohhh....yeah
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..
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| To Much Of The Same Stories In Our Life, Its Just Time To Walk Away.. |
[16 Oct 2005|01:21pm] |
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I havent updated in forever..
well i started high school -urgh might i add it fucking sucks donkey dick. >:-(
Me and Jessica are together :-) i spent sweetest day with her. :-)
I hate Garden City and want to be faaarrrr faaarrrrr way from this hell hole.
John and Devon broke up?
i have good grades in all my classes.. :-)
Me and Kris Long are friends.
Vickie is going to Churchill :-/
Homecoming was the most terrible thing ive ever expirenced!
My school seriously has the most drama, it would beat lauguna beach.
My class 'o9 (freshman) fucking suck were a terrible class, drama, bitchy girls, immature boys/girls.
*well when school started everything fell apart. :-( yeah gay to say but im dead serious.. for starters.. i try and do the right thing and i did the wrong thing, and because of that i lost my bestfriend, "sean" i wish that it was still summer, and everyone was happy and life was so much easier.. i honestly dont think it will EVER be the same. I cant believe that those words are coming out of my mouth.. :-/ but hey every good thing has to come to an end.. mine just ended a tad bit to early.
*On another note, I am happy, despite the fact im constantly bitchy, moody, yelling, crying..but when im not being all that im happy, Jessica and I are happy, shes the one good thing in my life right now, seriously besides for Devon.
*I am consitering going to a different school. Im being serious. I know everyone says "running away isnt the answer." well im not running away im starting over. I cant stand Garden City i mean i REALLY HONESTLY cannot do it, i hate the hallways, the people, the teachers, the classrooms, the cafetirea, everything, i dread going to school everyday.
*Everyone uses the saying inside im dying.. Well i actually am. I am happy, when im with certin people but even when im with them, i still feel like.. shit.
*They say "these are the best years of our lives." Well its just one bad thing after another..
i cant wait till this years over.. sad huh its only the fucking second month of school and already i feel like i'm going to die.
yeah best year of our lives..
ha my ass.
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| I Love You With All My Heart <33 |
[15 Aug 2005|03:37pm] |
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I asked jessica out :-D im so happy! 8-15-05 <333 Im going camping tomorrow with DEVON :-)!!!!!
Wont be back until thursday :-( :-)
<3 Sara.
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| I Miss You <33 |
[13 Aug 2005|12:27am] |
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First off i would like to say, Happy Birthday to Jessica <3 I Love You well i havent updated in almost a month :-( so yah here it is me and Sean broke up its for the good ya know. But yah Devon and John broke up but got bakc together again :-) there so cute Sean and John spent the night and Devons house it was fun i guess, Sean taught me how to play guitar for a beginner im pretty good ahh lol well my feelings for Jessica havent changed on bit at all my love for her has not went away if anything its grown that girl is the LOVE of my life, shes so beautiful she drives me crazyy, and she never fails to make me smile. We've been hanging out a lot lately Vickie left for up north when she comes back shes leaving well moving :-( im going to miss her dearly.. :-( but yah im dying my hair back blonde. :-) and i have a new bestfriend his name is JOHN AITEKENS I LOVE HIM HES THE BESTFRIEND ALONG WITH DEVON! :-)but anyways, this summers been okay not the best but pretty good, i wish i could of done a lot more but over labor day weekend my family/devon also is going up north chya JET SKI'S OW OW! :-) lol anyways well yah since todays Jessicas birthday im asking her out :-) im so scared and excited i love her sooooo much shes my everything what people dont see is how much she makes me happy, but this time im totally not TELLING MY MOM! this time its a total secret, not even telling my sister. :-X but yah im going to go on myspace than to bed. <3
<3 Sara.
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| Hey I'm Mr. Brightside :-) <333 |
[22 Jul 2005|06:12pm] |
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KILLER'S CONCERT TOMORROW WOOH WOOT :-)
<3 Sara.
P.S, Im hopefully hanging out with Jessica tomorrow i miss her sooo much im going to be so happy when i get to hug her again. :-)
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| It Never Gets Easy I Guess I Knew It All Along </3 |
[19 Jul 2005|06:53pm] |
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Okay, you know the long comment i left for Jessica, like yesterday (last night) well yeah i was reading it and i still am crying very hard right now.. i dont know what to do i dont know how to deal with this im just such a fuck up i hate myself for what ive done i hate myself for hurting you i hate myself for being the way i am i hate myself for not being strong enough, i just well hate..myself </3 i miss you i miss you a lot without you it feels like i cant seem to breathe since you've been gone i havent been able to stop thinking about you since you've been gone all my problems have been coming back, since you've been gone life just been well.. fucked up you can say.. i miss the way you would talk on the phone with me and we wouldnt have nothing to say and you'd still stay on the phone with me i didnt care if you werent even talking i could just listen to you breathe..i miss the way you'd kiss me, i miss the way you'd hold me i miss the way, you would hold my hand and not care if people saw.. you were just happy to be with me.. and i was happy to be with you because for once in my life i actually felt true love, and true love hurts.. it hurts real bad..knowing your really gone still brings tears to my eyes.. i mean if you can let true love go that fast you were never truely "inlove" i mean honestly love is VERY hard to explain but when you find it you know all the right words to explain it.. :-( i know that i love you, i love you a lot Jessica.. I know i made a mistake, i know im stupid, i am aware im fucked up.. and most of all i know ive lost the one thing that no matter what would ALWAYS put a smile on my face and that.. was you.. with you i felt perfect.. ive never felt that like that before with anybody.. with you i felt like nothing could ever go wrong.. when we were in school, people would say shit but i wouldnt care, because true loves can take on anything.. (thats what i thought) well i was wrong.. its hard going through life being an so called outcast and being gay was another thing.. i love you Jessica, i know i said that a lot but i mean it.. and always have, i want you to know that i will always love you no matter what, even if you like fall madley "inlove" with Brandy, and fully get over me for good, just remember you were "inlove" before with me and i will always be "inlove" with you, because real love last a life time..as days go by your voice just seems to fade away, and so does your smile.. and sooner or later so will your love.. but what well NEVER fade away is our memories.. those will last a life time.. Your going to make someone VERY happy one day Jessica, your going to love someone as much as we loved eachother.. i hope nothing but the best for you, because i know if your smiling than i am too because i want nothing but the best for you.. your just amazing Jessica you REALLY are, you have this way of making anyone happy.. i miss that i miss that a lot. I want to hear your voice.. i want to hear your laugh, i want to hear that everything will be okay, but were not going to hear that are we.. because nothings going to be okay again, at least for me yeah i have Sean, and yeah, i have Vickie and Devon and John.. but that will NEVER measure up to what i had with you. with you i knew every day would be amazing because you were in it.. and i knew that i had something to live for.. and that was you, now since your gone whats my reason.. i continue to ask myself that question you mean a lot to me and Brandy, and Paige.. and i hope you guys will be bestfriends forever, because i know that your TRUELY happy when your with them, i know you are because every day ill read your livejournal and i would see how happy you were and it would bring tears to my eyes but at the same time i'd have a smile because i saw how truely happy you were/are. I guess this is it Jess, i guess this is when i say goodbye, goodbyes arent always forever you know.. i will always love you Jessica no matter what hopefully you get to read this.. because if not than i will just have to call you and read it to you.. well bye Jessica...
it never gets easy i guess i knew it all along..
<3 Sara.
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| There's A Reason For You And I <3 |
[19 Jul 2005|05:16pm] |
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Today was the day i cried my eyes out with Vickie, god i love her so much i missed her so much. With everything i have been going through i dont need interfirences, at all i love how my life is right now.. i love the people that are in it.. i dont know what to say besides for everything happens for a reason. <3 But yeah today i woke up, called Vickie, and than went over her house.. washed my clothes (lol) and than called Sean :-) and John was over and so was T.J and we desided to hang out well we hung out at 1:15 till like 3:00 unfortantly.. :-( and well it was fun my face is kind of sun burnt :-( and we went to 7 eleven because my mouth was dryer than like.. (something thats dry..) lol but yeah it was pretty dry.. and i bought a slushie and than we sat under a tree and than when we were getting ready to leave John and T.J and Vickie all left me and Sean, and went behind the wall, and than.. BA BA BUMM!! (SEAN KISSED ME!!) our 1st kiss, woohwoot :-) it was awesome.. :-) and than me and Vickie sat down and talked and im so happy she likes Sean and John because hopefully we can hang out more i love hanging out with them.. im so glad ive met Sean and John, :-) but anyways.. me and Vickie sat down and started talking and i just let everything out eveyrthing ive been going through and she told me stuff i LOVE Vickie soooooooo much, shes my everything that girl means A LOT to me. BY THE WAY I MISS DEVON A LOT SHE NEEDS TO COME HOME SOON BEFORE I DIE.. (lol) i do miss her though. I'm going to go Justins coming over because i havent seen him in like a month.. so yeah goodbye.
<3 Sara.
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